Beardconnassaince: Dan & The Deacons [REPORT]

Our trepid reporter (@drzachary) could not attend Dan & The Deacons. However, his lovely field agents, Responsible Krista, Granny Quarters and Jiminy Glick (possibly not their real names) descended upon the concertgoers like a plague of ravenous locusts (the nice kind of locusts that act all flirty and then ask you to preen with your face-mane.)

Beards were photographed, insightful questions were posed and the following data was gathered:

Name: George Balthasar
Favorite Bands: Radiohead, Guys in Jeans with Haircuts, Jim Snood

Name: Brett Sandusky
Favorite Bands: Radiohead, Ponce Piedmont, Retweet

Name: Sparks
Favorite Bands: Radiohead, Less Than Three Dudes, Sportsmanship

Name: Carl Black
Favorite Bands: Radiohead, Auto & The Tunes, Steak

and the winner of Best Beard of the Evening ...

Name: Johnny le Rocque
Favorite Bands: Radiohead

Lesson I: If You Fake It, We Won't Respect You

Since we started highlighting all the fake beard growers out there (and our disgust for you), we've received emails about different ways to rock one w/o growing it.

ATTENTION: this blog is all about the real facial hairs.

That said, it seems that should you wish to fake a 'stache - your best options would be to visit - THIS.

But trust us, we're not sure who is lying to you, but disguising your baby face only makes you look like a dumb asshole (see below).

No Means Yes.

Some at Build-A-Beard have a weakness for *a few* men with beards ('few' = just one = Adrien Brody). The Oscar winning actor is starring in the upcoming Predator movie and we cannot wait to check out the flick (although others seem less enthused).


One request Adrien: keep your facial hair flowing. You look older, wiser, confident, and totally dreamy. The type of guy where a lady might say 'no,' but means 'yes.'


If you can't beat em, wear a bowtie

The Momentum Of Failure claims it's totally acceptable to fake a beard (or mustache) if you can't (or don't want to) grow one.

We at Build-A-Beard have one word for that:

LAZY.

I mean, when Nick Cave wanted to man up, he did it for real.

See:

when Nick Cave decided he was tired of not being awesome**?

He didn't go half-assed.

Now even his Glamour Shots will fucking kill you.

Yeah. Grow a real beard or shut up, that's what Tim Harrington says.

**note: we here at Build-A-Beard do, in fact, acknowledge that Nick Cave has never been anything less than awesome. His new molester 'stache just makes him moreso.

Lady Perspective

Gents - if you're gonna rock the untamed beard... leave your cap at home. This look screams "I am growing out my facial hair because I cannot grow anything else on top."

Point II: If your beard is looking this unkempt... my mind wanders to what other areas - specifically Southern ones - are equally bushy. (*pukes in mouth*)

Point III: If you're sporting a beard & bald - don't leave your parent's house. There is a room called a "basement" and some Internets thingies - both were designed specifically for you.